Marius Dok
7 facts about female orgasm
Some facts are important for our happy intimate life, some are just curious.
1. Any female orgasm is clitoral, vaginal does not exist
The clitoris has a head (what we usually think of as the clitoris) and legs that extend to the front wall of the vagina. And orgasm occurs as a result of stimulation of either the head of the clitoris or the legs. In either case, it occurs as a result of stimulation of the clitoris.
2. Most women need clitoral stimulation
From 10 to 30 percent of women, according to various estimates, are able to experience an orgasm as a result of sexual intercourse. The rest - it turns out, from 90 to 70 percent - need additional, non-sexual stimulation of the clitoris to achieve orgasm. And this is not at all connected with libido, sexual constitution, opening of sensuality or anything like that, but is connected exclusively with physiology. If the distance between the clitoris and the urethra is less than 2.5 cm, then a woman can experience an orgasm as a result of clitoral stimulation during sexual intercourse. If more, then additional stimulation is needed.
3. 43% of women are multi-orgasmic
43% of women have multiple orgasms. That is, after the first wave of orgasm, if you continue to stimulate, the next one occurs and maybe the next one. You are fine, you are beautiful if you have one orgasm, and you are fine, and you are also beautiful if you have several. This is not a very important fact, really. It just happens.
4. Women fake orgasm
From 70 to 90 percent of women fake orgasm periodically. And this is a very sad figure. Firstly, because deception, especially in the intimate sphere, does not lead us to harmony, to well-being in relationships, but complicates everything.
Firstly, because deception in any sphere of relationships, especially intimate ones, does not lead us to well-being in relationships, but, on the contrary, leads us away from harmony, from good relationships.
Besides, it is a dangerous trap. If you start faking, you can be forced to continue faking. Well, because "So what? Everything was fine, where did it all go?" And then you lose the opportunity to really experience an orgasm, because your partner is sure that everything is fine, and does not know that for your orgasm, for your release, a creative search is still required. Which, as a rule, is possible, but he thinks that everything has already been found, and therefore does not look for anything. Therefore, if there is an opportunity to stop faking somehow carefully, stop.
5. After orgasm, oxytocin levels increase
Oxytocin is the hormone of attachment. And if you have given birth to a child, you remember how the uterus contracts after birth. It contracts due to a huge release of oxytocin. After orgasm, the uterus contracts, during orgasm, the uterus contracts also due to oxytocin. Of course, it is not quite like that, but here is a similar pattern.
And it is oxytocin, the hormone that creates a bond, allowing us to feel another person as close, as our own. There is a theory that the female orgasm was evolutionarily needed precisely for the release of oxytocin, so that a woman could become attached to her sexual partner, which would increase the chances of the child born as a result of this sexual relationship to survive. Because, unlike the male orgasm, the female orgasm is not needed at all for conception. But it is there, evolution tried for this - that means it is for something.
In any case, dear women, what is the conclusion to be drawn from this? Be selective, do not have sex with someone you do not want to get attached to, who is not worth getting attached to, so that later you will not be painfully unattached. And vice versa, if you want to strengthen the connection with your man, your attachment to him - more orgasms.
6. On average, it takes a woman 10 to 20 minutes to achieve orgasm.
And guess how many for a man? A man has only 4. And here I have no hypothesis why evolution needed such a difference.
7. Less than 5% of women are anorgasmic
And if you can't do it in sex with a partner or even as a result of masturbation you don't have such an experience of getting an orgasm, then the probability that you are in this 5% is very small. This may also be the case, but most likely the reason is different. And you can most likely figure it out and still find your own, completely normal, whatever it may be, path to orgasm.
I hope this was helpful or at least interesting.
What to Do If Sex Has Disappeared From Your Relationship
If sex has disappeared from your couple's life, how can you bring it back?
The most important thing is not to delay it. The longer this pause lasts, the harder it is to restore, the more frightening it is to start, the more awkward it will be. So when you realize that the pause has dragged on, please worry and start doing something.
Why is there no sex?
It depends a lot on why he disappeared. And there are several options.
There is such a vague variant, seemingly without any apparent reason: you are tired, I am tired, the child was sick, for some reason we slept poorly, and somehow it seems like “well, not today”, “well, not today” - and now three months have passed, let's say. And it's somehow strange to get back into the rhythm.
But there are more specific situations:
- One of us has refused the other a lot, and the other one is so hurt by this, so wounded, that he no longer initiates, and it was he who was the initiator before.
- Some mild erectile dysfunction has occurred, and the man no longer risks it happening again.
- Childbirth, feeding, and it seems like it’s time to start, but it’s not clear how.
- There is coldness and quarrels between us. And when there are such quarrels and such coldness between us, it is impossible to relax, trust and be carried away in a fit of passion.
The reason is important. If these are our grievances against each other in general, not related to sex, then, of course, we need to resolve these grievances first, and then restore our intimate life.
As a rule, this is a good path, especially for a woman. Because a woman’s desire and ability to trust and relax are very closely connected with how a woman feels emotional contact: how warm is it and are there any obstacles to it? This plays a key role.
And if it’s something like erectile dysfunction or women’s problems with sex itself, with the technical part, let’s say, then the simplest recommendation that a sexologist would give is sensory focusing, I’ll talk about it later.
If there is no sex at all
Psychologists always recommend talking, discussing everything - but this is exactly the area where it is very difficult to start talking, especially if we do not have this experience, you have not discussed it in detail before. And this is a very common story in our latitudes.
- Start with hugs
Then, perhaps, the first good steps would be kisses and hugs of a more erotic nature than we have. In general, when we run out of sex, hugs often run out too. It's very sad, we need hugs. What is the saying? "You need 4 hugs a day just to survive, 8 to live normally, and 12 to live wonderfully" - that's the opinion.
Start with hugs, touches, kisses with a slight erotic connotation.
- Try to talk
If you can try to talk, talk. It can be really scary to start, you feel really vulnerable, and you can just say, “I’m really scared to start this conversation with you, but I’m really worried that our sex is gone. I miss you, I need it. How are you? How are you? What do you think is going on? Why do you think this happened?”
- Try sensory focusing
This is probably the most common practice that sexologists recommend for different types and different causes of sexual problems in a couple.
This is when we agree that this week or these two weeks we will find time to just lie next to each other, touch each other, without touching the erogenous zones. The whole body, except for the erogenous zones. And we know in advance that this will not lead to sex - we are just caressing. The next two weeks we caress, including the erogenous zones. We also know that there will definitely be no sexual intercourse, only caressing.
And then we can try penetration, but we also know that it may not lead to release, we just enjoy it and focus on how we like it, how we feel it, how we can do it with each other. Also you can watch the Mature Videos on 18fu.com.
But even if we can't agree and talk through the whole process, what we can do is start with caresses that don't involve erogenous zones. It's safer, less vulnerable, less scary if there were any problems, and it can break the ice between us.
In addition to talking about our sexual problems, we can have conversations of an erotic nature: about what parts of each other’s bodies you like, some hints, fantasies.
Sometimes an erotic film with passionate characters is a sufficient start. We watch it together, and it sets us in the right mood.
A few ideas to start with. The problem is complicated. If you understand that it cannot be solved this way, that it is much more complicated, there are many complicated background stories, be sure to consult a sexologist.
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